Rickrolling

Am I the only one that is still annoyed that magazines haven't given up trying to convince us that Britney Spears is still HOT? After her career and mental state took a nosedive, it just doesn’t matter how many packs of abs she has. She’s just a mom to those KFed kids. Those Toxic days are over.

Does she not look like a drag queen that plays Brit in a cabaret show? It’s her face. It’s lost its innocence and has taken on a harder edge. I haven't been keeping up with her comeback but her new music video is the worst! She’s flashing her boobs to unsuspecting pedestrians, winking at CHILDREN, and getting patted down by a hot cop. We GET it; you want people to think you still got it! Oh, and you are just sooo rebellious wearing that T-shirt with a skull wearing Mickey ears! You're almost 30, grow up!

Breathe…and to think all this started because I was surfing YouTube. I was so disappointed. It was one terrible “music” video after another. If the dancing was great, then the song was bad. If the song was ok, the story was dreadful. Maybe I’m just missing the political message underlining Lady Gaga’s video but I don’t understand the concept. Katy Perry’s video, despite a cameo by Kenny G, Hanson, and many others, was just awkward.

What’s happened to music videos? Pop-Up Videos would tear these things to pieces with their angry yet hilarious thought bubbles. And where did all this product placement come from? At times, I wonder if I’m just watching a Super Bowl length VW commercial.

And one last note: the dancing in the videos…why so angry? The dancers are break dancing for their lives! No smiling, no soft movements. Everything is so hard and heavy footed! I miss the smooth group dances of the Mickey Mouse Club graduates… Yea, I said it! I hate that the simplicity is gone and there is just way too much Vaseline on these half naked bodies. Ick! I had to watch kittens falling asleep and a puppy that can't quite roll over just to get that bad taste out of my mouth.

I need a music video that makes me want to dance with a smile on my face, where have those videos gone… Oh, on YouTube.

Kick Off

Amongst status updates about growing babies, politics, and class work are over punctuated squeals of excitement over the start of football season.

You know my love/hate relationship with football season and the crowds it brings. I’m still upset that I never got to enjoy tailgating because I was always working. When I wasn’t working, I didn’t want to deal with the traffic and the drunks. For some reason, I couldn’t get drunk enough to enjoy the rowdiness that goes on. But football season is a major moneymaker. It’s hard work but it pays off. I always chose money over football/hangovers. Now, I have an urge to make different kinds of dips, get bags of Tostitos, and throw together a big pitcher of Sangria.

For the first time being away from it all, I actually feel like I’m missing out. I miss seeing the invasion of the new freshmen that try to look “less” like freshmen but their ’03 Greek Shirts give them away. I’m going to miss carding these children and confiscating fake IDs: “Don’t try to tell me you don’t have a credit card with your NAME on it! You’re not cute enough to have ALL your drinks covered for the night.” I’m going to miss the sorority girls with last names for first names like Sloan or Mackenzie. And the frat guys with first names that are even more…like last names.

I wonder what the artsy, hipster kids are wearing these days? I wonder if the guys turned in their skinny jeans for tights yet. I hope they flood the bars and tip the bartenders well for their $1 PBR and Rumple shots. The songs from the bands that the townies have heard over and over will be fresh for their young virgin ears. Since they can’t buy the band drinks, they’ll offer a cig and a light. They will congregate outside of the bar and smoke as they roll up the sleeves of their thrift store plaid shirts. “Who’s having a late night?” “The cook sittin’ at the bar said we could go to his place if we bring the beer.”

Sigh…I’m going to miss it all, sort of.

Book Worm

I think it’s time for some good news, don’t you? Unfortunately, the only good news is that I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now, do I go toward or away from the light?

All joking aside, I’m another week closer to being done. I can almost hear Pomp and Circumstance. Hmm… I wonder if they even play that song at tech school graduations or if it’s all “alternative” where they’ll play something by OneRepublic or Maroon 5? Either way, our graduation is going to be held in an amazing building that is known for its beautiful bathrooms. I shit you not, it made the news (I was told). They told us we were getting an open bar but come to find out, it’s a CASH bar. Big difference. Now what am I supposed to look forward to?

So, I tell myself every day that all I have to do is get through this big exam and I’m home free. It’s funny because I never studied for any other “standardized test” like the ACT or SAT. The only light that my fat study guide saw was when I used the book as a coffee table. I know more about the body than I ever thought possible but most of all, I think I can confidently explain it to another person. I don’t want to start commenting about my time in school because I still have two weeks to go but man, what a quick year…or nine months to be exact. Speaking of nine months, a lot of people around me are getting pregnant. I guess my career is my baby and I’m about to show it to the world/facebook.

Back to about how I’m a great student: I feel like I’ve been dominating chapter after chapter in my review packet but one section is really cramping my style: Non-Western Techniques. This includes Traditional Chinese Medicine and meridian theories. I’ve said this before but I am not a “find your inner goddess” kinda gal. I’m not saying that there is no validity to energy work…I just tend to lean toward scientific data. And this stuff is way complicated. Since we don’t learn any of this material in class, I’m basically left to memorize it. I’ve been trying to think of anagrams and visual aids to help me remember all the details but it’s not going well. I’m days away from drawing acupressure points on myself. Looking like a bullseye is in my near future.

I WANT IT NOW

If I have learned anything from the past week, it’s that my “wanting to be nice” way of approaching issues gets me nowhere! I thought the best way for me to get what I want was to say my Please and Thank Yous and not be too pushy. Apparently, this way gets you put on hold, no replies to e-mails, and promises without follow up. I can’t have this!

Every time I go into a restaurant as a customer, I try to be as sweet as can be to my server. I know how hard it can be so I try to be the easy-to-please table of the shift. I give every excuse under the sun if things are less than perfect with the service. What I fail to accept is that some people are just shitty, no matter how nice you are. I’m starting to realize that but not just with the service and hospitality industry.

I ran into this problem with my landlord. I have been dealing with this leak in my kitchen for a while now. They’ve come to “fix” it a time before but the problem has not been resolved. It actually seems to be getting worse. It’s been raining on a regular basis so maybe I’m just now noticing how bad it is. The last couple times, I’ve sent a super sweet e-mail requesting someone to come check out the problem when it’s “the most convenient.” Two weeks later, still nothing. Last weekend, we had some crazy rain that poured into the kitchen. It was just awful. As I was rummaging through my closet for towels to put down, the frustration was just building up inside me. After I managed to scotch tape (I didn’t have any duct tape) some towels to the cracks in the wall, I decided to write my angry letter to the property owner. You better believe there was no trace of an apologetic tone in this one. Next day, I came home to a “Sorry We Missed You,” note on my door from the maintenance guy. Nothing was fixed but at least someone had come by to see my tape work! I called and left a message for the maintenance guy because I want to know what he’s planning on doing and I’m getting an answer!

The other issue was with scheduling my licensing exam. The students are encouraged to take the test before we graduate. Well, we are now two weeks from graduation and I have yet to schedule my test. I’m ready but with no registration code, I can’t schedule the test. Some of my classmates have gotten their info but where was mine? I panicked. Was it a paperwork issue? Was my application possibly lost? Did they send it to the wrong e-mail? There are many things that could have gone wrong. So, obviously, I asked those in charge to contact me because I needed some reassurance. Oh, I got that reassurance wrapped up in a passive aggressive bow. I couldn’t believe it. The “nice” part of me thought that in my mental state, I could be just misinterpreting the tone but the “angry” part of me was wondering why I wasn’t getting the compassion that we’re taught to be mindful of. Since the turn over at the school is so high, they must have forgotten how to be “student-centered.” They forget that even though they have been doing this for thirty plus years, this is our very first time going through this process.

I really hope I don’t leave this school with a bad taste in my mouth. But, I know that as soon as I get everything worked out, I’ll feel better and I’ll be able to laugh about it. Until then, I’m going to be like Veruca Salt and keep demanding what I want, NOW!

Eat Your Words

We just started an interesting chapter in class. It’s often controversial and soapboxes pop up left and right because of it. The topic: Nutrition.

The health food magazines that line the checkout aisle make me feel guilty that I don’t think enough about what I’m putting in my mouth. Although I am no health nut, I’m not a junk food…junky either. All I know is that I need to eat, I like doing it, and I try my best to cook something that I will enjoy.

What I do NOT like is getting lectured about how my irresponsible diet is going to result in my body being consumed by generic cancers (I can’t afford the brand name) caused by my breakfast cereal that’s polluted with high fructose and how all the red meat that I’ve eaten from the past seven years is still sitting in my intestines. I do my best to frequent farmers markets but not everything is cheaper there! Give me the money to go completely organic and I’ll do it. Till then, I am going to have to get some processed meats and canned goods. My body’s been digesting it for years; I think it can handle it.

For my classmates who preach about healthy living and turn their noses up because I like a good burger (organic or not): If you are so worried about my health, why don’t you take a good hot shower and trade in your chamomile/lavender soap bar for some Dial! The odor is triggering my migraines and I don’t appreciate it. AND, try putting a 100% cotton mask over your nose and mouth so you’re not coughing on me! Hot Yoga will NOT rid my body of your cold.

I just get so worked up when people start going on and on about this. It’s great that you’re passionate about couscous and wild grains but I happen to like my short grain rice. I don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with that but I get looks like I’ve stuffed your kitten with SPAM and deep-fried it in lard! …Too much?

“Our bodies weren’t made to handle over cooked meats and processed foods.” Well, I think over the years, the human body has evolved enough to handle an occasional bologna. If anything is unnatural, it’s got to be all those liquid diets, detox, and colonics. There’s nothing “natural” about a garden hose in your bum!

Maybe some years later, every magazine will give me scientific evidence that I was wrong and it’ll make me regret ever getting change together for a 99-cent burger but until then, I will be thankful that I have food on the table and be extra proud that I have a nice balance of veggies, meat, and grains.

And if I have to eat my words, you better believe I’m wrapping it in bacon.

Wall

I had the toughest day at school today. It’s the first time that it is totally unrelated to studying. My poor friends probably roll their eyes every time I give them a play-by-play on what chapter I’m currently on. Sorry friends.

Today, we had clinic where we focused on clients with special needs: cancer survivors, chronic pain sufferers, geriatric, and wheelchair bound. My client was all the above. I knew from the get-go that this was going to be quite an experience. She had an uncommon name so I asked her how to pronounce it. I know from experience how annoying it can be for someone to mispronounce your name. Her response, “Whatever.” The wall was up between us and it was pretty damn high. She wanted nothing to do with me or the massage she was about to get.

I did everything by the book: I asked her leading questions about her health, what her last massage was like, what her preference was when it comes to pressure. Her responses did not exceed three words: “I don’t know,” “I don’t remember,” “I don’t care.” Figuring that this intake was going nowhere fast, I helped her into the clinic room.

I adjusted the table so it would be easier for her to transfer from her chair and asked what the best way to move her would be. We haven’t covered the ins and outs of moving a special needs person. To my inquiry, my client replied, “Whatever you usually do.”

Fast-forward, I helped her undress and get her on the massage table. It took three of us to do so.

The massage started pretty smoothly. I made some adjustments but overall, it went pretty well…until it was time to flip. The easiest thing to do would be to not move her at all but her last therapist had suggested back work and since she’s in the wheelchair for the majority of her day, she could really benefit from it. This step, took four of us. Once we got her on her side, we decided it would be best to stay there. The whole time, she told us how she couldn’t believe it was taking this long to move her. Encouraging words…

Again, once the massage started, everything was calm. After her hour was up, we managed to get her dressed, back in her chair, and back to her husband who was waiting in the lobby. I thanked her for coming and for being so patient and sent her on her way.

Once I got back to the clinic room, I was filled with emotions. I was sad, I was angry, I was frustrated, and most of all exhausted. I wanted to do so much for this woman but she just wouldn’t let me in. I’m no stranger to these types of people. I’ve had many restaurant customers whom I could never please. The problem is when they don’t tell me what I’m doing wrong, or what I can do better. Just tell me that you hate my face and I can move on. I can’t let things like this go. It lingers with me for days and then reappears when I’m having a particularly terrible day.

So naturally, I cried.

My instructor and classmates supported me. They shared my pain and frustration. Then, a classmate told me that even though I couldn’t see because I was pushing the wheelchair, my client left with a slight smile on her face. That’s all I wanted. I just wanted to help her relax and I hate that I couldn’t see that for myself.

There will be more difficult clients in my future and I know that not all of them will express their gratitude. But, I will not give up. I am determined to chip at these walls, no matter how many tears I shed.

Run Tomato Run

I cannot believe that it’s already been seven weeks since school started back. Every day seems so terribly long but the weeks are going by so fast…is this a global warming thing? I didn’t think so.

I haven’t been this stressed since my senior year in college when I was counting my credits to making sure I was going to graduate. All I’ve been doing this term is burying myself in notes, papers, and computer files. I feel like a hoarder...I think there's a cat in there somewhere. I can’t remember the last time I studied this hard.

My studying has entered that special phase: When I people watch during my runs, I start naming the muscles that I see. It sounds braggy but it’s more annoying, trust me. Also, my study materials are showing up in my dreams. I have no way to escape them. In my last dream, I was explaining to a dancer how I could help her neck pain. You know, I would rather have Alexander Skarsgard be the one examining MY neck...

Oh and yes, thanks for noticing. I have started running! Unfortunately, I have abandoned Pilates but the running thing is going surprisingly well. I could not have done it without this fantastic app called, “Couch to 5K (Free Advertising).” It takes the thinking out of running. It tells me when to run and when to walk, it tells me when I need to head back, and it encourages me to keep going.

In the beginning, this was the hardest thing EVER! I was never a runner. I have always been a swimmer. So, this was a challenge for me. But now, I feel like I’m starting to understand that “zone” you get into when you find your stride. It only lasts seconds but better than nothing.

With my new routine, I’m slowly getting to know my neighborhood a little better and now finally appreciating the location I’m in.

The only thing…I may have mentioned this before but I am not an attractive athlete. Meaning, I look like a wet tomato when I workout. This is probably another reason why I’ve always been a swimmer: I was able to hid behind a swim cap and goggles. It’s not a pretty sight y’all. BUT, that’s not going to stop me from running. Who knows, if I keep this up, maybe a 5K is in my future. Till then, I will try to increase my speed and Ketchup.

What Would You Give Up for Love?

This question came to me in the form of an e-mail prompting me to submit an essay to win a trip to some movie premiere that I can’t even remember the name of. I was particularly bored so I decided to put aside that night’s episode of The Simpsons to think about it.

Since I have no fortune or valuables to give up, I can only give up simple things, but things that are still crucial to my day to day survival: My netflix membership (my entertainment, my educational tool, my white noise, and my companion on those sad microwave dinner nights), my obsession with watching Food network/Travel network shows on hulu.com (because food is my porn), and my nightly routine of putting Menthol on my hands before going to sleep (no explanation needed there). And if I were guaranteed to find this “true love,” I would give up making “That’s what she said,” jokes for a negotiable timeframe. But, in my quest to find love, I will not give up my friends, family, my Sex and the City DVDs (excluding the sequel because that, in my mind, does not exist), or my sense of humor (which is why the lewd jokes portion needs negotiating). Although finding true love is something I would give an arm and a leg for, some things are just too precious to give up. Then again, if my true love were tall, British or Australian, funny, and charming…I guess I can give up the DVDs.

I have a ridiculous list of qualities I look for in a date and I tell myself that I won’t negotiate. I should just walk around with a picture of Hugh Jackman and Timothy Olyphant and ask potential suitors (like there are any) if they can measure up to those fine men. Charlotte York said it best, “None of that matters with the right guy. Harry was bald and he talked with his mouth full…but I loved him anyway.” I couldn’t agree more.

U-turn

The whole drive back to my apartment, I wished I was on the other side. I hated the road that was taking me away from my town. It took me crossing three state lines before I could even think about the word “home” without bursting into tears. The country station would have been hard to listen to.

I was so glad that I got to spend so much time back home but I fear it was too long of a visit because I got used to being there. I actually forgot how to take care of myself for a good while. I couldn’t decide on what to make for dinner and I didn’t even glance at my Pilates mat. It was worth it though. I got to see my friends and laugh and have a good time.

It seemed like everyone was in town for the Summer so every bar we hopped to was an impromptu high school reunion. I saw some people I was glad to see and those who I thought I’d be happy to see but a minute into our conversation, I realized I made a terrible mistake. How is it that some people can take small talk and morph it into a soapbox? Really? I tell you I’m studying massage therapy and instead of going for the obvious joke you try to lecture me about how it shouldn’t be covered by insurance? Wow, so glad to see you’re doing well too. See kids, that’s what happens when you’re high in public. You become a huge douche.

Since one of the things I want to do for myself is to be honest, I’ve been thinking that this place may be a little too far away from my friends and family. This could just be homesickness speaking and may subside after a week back at school but the drive back was really rough. I listened strictly to standup in fear that if I put my iPod on shuffle, it would pick out only the songs about missing someone or saying goodbye (I have lots of show tunes which emote too much). The day before my departure, I had a hard time saying goodbye to my bestie and I feel so bad for my poor dad. My mother is still back in the Motherland so my dad was alone to send me off. I cried so much on my dad’s shoulder that his shirt was technically in the rinse cycle. It’s so unfair. Every time I pulled myself together, he would say something so nice and dad-like that it killed me.

Hours later, I got back to my apartment. I didn’t make that U-turn thanks to my bestie who talked some sense into me. I was actually nervous when I put the key into the lock. What if I wasn’t glad to be “home?” What would that mean? After I unloaded the car, unpacked, and turned on some company (the TV), I looked around and felt… a little bit of relief. I did just drive a long way and slept badly at a cheap hotel but at least I felt a wave of comfort. This isn’t home but this is where a lot of my stuff is.

I’m sure when I finally get to talk to my mother I’ll crumble to pieces again but until then, I hope I can keep myself together. But it’s back to my routine. School’s starting tomorrow so I need to push forward so I’m not tempted to turn back.

Weeping Willow

My face probably looked like Niagara Falls complete with puffy structures that used to be eyes. I have no idea how I drove in that condition.

I drove my parents to the airport today. They're taking a trip back to the Motherland for the summer. As luck would have it, my father's break matched up perfectly with mine. So, I managed to spend a whopping 4 days with them.

As they walked through security, I waved and waved till I could no longer see my father's balding head. I'm sure the security guys thought I was never going to see my family again, considering the number of Starbucks napkins I was shoving under my eyes. Side note: Not the best tear absorber. Bring a handkerchief instead when sending off loved ones!

I jumped back in the car, cried a little in the privacy of my SUV, programmed the GPS, and headed home. As I drove up to pay for parking, I noticed that my father had left me the perfect amount to pay for it. After merging into the right lane, I cried some more.

I got home and looked around the empty house. I felt even more alone. I figured the best thing would be to keep myself busy. Unfortunately, the washing machine and dishwasher did all the work.

Pause

The second I walked through the front door to my parent’s house, my life was put on pause. I felt like I had never left and I quietly wondered why I ever did.

I took a moment to take in the smell of home and at the same time remembered that I was allergic to a lot of that (need to take my meds). After I was finished with all the nonsense of unpacking, I decided to take a long shower. I don't know if it's the water, the lighting, or the fact that this bathroom wasn’t built in the 1920s but it was a great. I was able to take advantage of the acoustics too without worrying about what the neighbors would think. It was an herbal essence commercial circa 2007 in there!

But the best part was eating my moms home cooked meal. Honestly, it could have been a steel-toed boot in sauce and I still would have gone back for seconds.

I felt like a kid again: Hanging around the house and following my mom around.

My mother bought me groceries and shoes today. Honestly, it wasn't the best feeling having to ask her to help me out but she never told me to put anything back. Instead, she told me to get extra, just in case. How am I this lucky?

Any day now, someone's going to press play and life will continue on.

Sugar Rush

Update: I managed to stay in my PJs all day--disgusting. This is what happens when I don’t plan my weekends. Fortunately, I was able to keep my mind active the latter part of the day (I hope that burned a calorie or two). I started brainstorming about more recipes I wanted to try out. I think I’m craving sweets because that’s all I was searching for.

I always loved the Profiteroles my mom made. It was a special treat because it’s a little more time consuming especially with the homemade custard filling. Those little darlings dusted with powdered sugar and filled with creamy goodness. They definitely take me to a happy place.

I’m taking the less culinary/foodie route with these fillings though. I’m going to use frozen whipped topping to give it the fluff and volume. I have only just recently had the pleasure of using Cool Whip. It is wonderful! I’m sure I’ve had it before at the parties but it’s never been present in my freezer. I would literally put it on everything if it were around. Now, you can turn your nose up at me if you want but it’ll be perfect for my little desserts. I’m smiling just thinking about those little bites of sweet flavored air. I can’t decide on what filling I want though. So far, I like the idea of a peanut butter, banana, or strawberry cream filling. I don’t want to choose. I want to try them all.

Speaking of baking, I just watched the movie Waitress. I had no idea Nathan Fillion was in it. It was really cute. Made me think of Hope Floats or Where the Heart Is…I don’t know, maybe it’s just the Southern accents they have in common. Anyway, Keri Russell’s character makes pies. Her escape from her horrible situation is to think up new pie recipes and giving them a unique name that reflects what she's going through. I like that.

I’ve never been a pie girl though. I just haven’t had a traditional pie that’s blown me away. Usually, they’re too sweet or so heavy that all I need is a sliver the width of a chopstick to satisfy my sweet tooth. I’ve attempted a cobbler once. My friends seemed to have enjoyed it—well, either that or they ate it because they love me—but I wasn’t totally impressed. I’m sure it was a combination of not really knowing how it was supposed to turn out and the absence of ice cream. I’ll take another run at it eventually.

Oh, there’s one more recipe that really interested me. I've used beer in desserts before. They make cupcakes light and moist. It's a magic ingredient! So today, I looked for another confection using something bubbly. I found a cupcake recipe using Prosecco/Champagne. It’s exactly what I was looking for: Something light, something fancy, and something delightful.

Stay tuned to find out what I actually end up making. I may even put up a picture or two as long as my yummies look fierce!

Tick Tock

I’m anxious. I’m anxious about going home. I can tell because I just watched a Christmas episode of a crime drama and cried.

I’m finally a weekend and a Monday away from heading home. I had another intense week filled with tests and hands-on assessments. I was surprised by my test anxiety. By the time I had set up and prepared to get my client on the table, I was sweating bullets. Luckily, my mind stayed clear long enough so I was able to complete the tests without error. This makes me nervous though because from now on, all my interviews with employers are going to consist of hands-on demos. I can only pray that they’ll be concentrating on my technique rather than the beads of sweat that’ll make me look un-cool.

I am so excited about heading home. We had a guest stay with us during my last trip back, which made it a bit hectic. This time, I will have my town and my friends all to myself. I have a couple dates with friends who will also be in town so it will be a nice reunion. I’ve been making a list of restaurants I want to hit too. I have been dreaming of rich, heavy, and fried food for some time now. Yum.

Ugh! Is it Monday yet?! I’m going to do my studying for my last test tomorrow and I already packed earlier in the week so I have nothing to do today. I can’t sit still. I should go out to the beach but I’m just not feeling it. Instead, I’ve been having my own Bones marathon but all I can do is glance at the clock on my wall. I’m also, regrettably, devouring the big bag of chips I bought for my drive home. At this rate, I’m unsure if they’ll make it till Monday.

I’ve never hated the weekend so much!

Significant

As any woman my age would do on a Friday night, I’m sprawled out on my couch in yoga pants and a loose fitting shirt. I'm busy clicking away on multiple sites looking for nothing in particular and the TV is providing white noise and a little company in the background.

I haven’t had a chance to meet most of my neighbors but all I know is the new tenant that moved in above me either has a short distance sprinting exercise regiment or has a dog with a little too much pent up energy. But, I can't complain. The guy that used to live there must have been a designer of some kind because he was constantly pushing around his furniture at all hours of the day.

I took a moment to look up my horoscope, which is easy since I follow "them" on twitter. It read: You won't just date anybody! You're extremely picky & they'll never really know how to get your attention.

I don’t read too much into stuff like this or tarot cards but on occasion, it's nice to have something that is, in a way, written for you.

Someone told me recently that it's better to have someone love you more than you love them. I don’t agree with that. Unconditional love is "handy" in that you’re basically free to do whatever you want and know that the other person will be waiting for you to return. I would rather be the one waiting, as hard as that may be.

It takes energy to love someone and it's been a very long time since I've committed myself to it--although not necessarily by choice--but I would give it my all given the opportunity.

But what kind of man am I looking for? I am very picky. Not in a "Oh, he's too tall" or "He's not a blond" sort of way. I can't really describe my ideal man...Call me what you will but my dad is really hard to beat. He's so worldly, works hard and provides for his family, a mister fix it, has a built in TomTom, and cooks. He has a great sense of humor and even though as a traditional Asian dad, he doesn't express himself very well, I know he loves me and supports me.

The best thing about him is his passion for food and eating. Everyday when he comes home for dinner, no matter what it is, if my mom or I cooked it, he will smile and praise it till he cleans his plate. Almost every meal ends with him saying, “This is why I can’t go out to eat! Why would I go out when I can stay home and eat something better?” For that, I would come home everyday and stand in the kitchen after even the longest of shifts to cook.

I would be lucky to find anyone even half as wonderful as my dad. And I hope to God he's out there.

What I Knead

I’m feeling ambitious! I feel like I can accomplish a lot in no time! I’m feeling positive! I feel like I’m getting full usage of all the exclamation points!

I’m not on a caffeine binge if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m actually regretfully drinking a FRESCA. I meant to buy a 12 pack of Coke, saw this, and bought it. I don’t know why. I’ve never had a craving for it before; I guess I thought I would like it. Honestly, I was probably thinking it was a new flavor of Fanta. Stupid me. I hate the taste of aspartame. That’s what lies taste like, I tell you!

I just finished a week full of exams. This week, the tests were all written. Next week, we have our hands-on assessments. Normally, I’m pretty confident come test time but the material got really heavy at the end. Anyway, after successfully making it out alive and good grades, I have a lot to look forward to. I just have one more week and I’m home free, literally. I’ll be making the drive home as soon as I get done with Clinic. I want to drive all the way home that day but I know better.

I have a whole list of stuff I want to do when I get home, cooking being the number one thing besides seeing my friends and family. I am determined to take full advantage of that kitchen! It’s not huge but way bigger than this Easy Bake Oven I’m trying to work with! Here are a couple things on my menu: Cauliflower and Brussels Sprout Gratin with gooey Gruyere, BBQ Chicken (Tyler Florence’s recipe), Marshmallow Milkshakes, and Churro Tots. The last two are from a blog I found when I was searching the interweb for some inspiration (http://www.acozykitchen.com/churro-tots/). But the thing I am most excited about is my version of a Savory Cinnamon Roll.

Before you get totally grossed out, hear me out: It consists of the same soft and fluffy dough but instead of the cinnamon and sugar, think of the combination of sweet caramelized onions, the salty taste of ham, and the yummy texture and flavor of cheese…Yeah, you like that. I do too. That’s why I’m excited. I’m sure a ton of recipes are floating out there for this but this is something I dreamed up on my own. I can’t wait. I haven’t baked bread in such a long time. I’m ready to get my hands dirty and use my arms and hands to pound that dough. I want to come out with flour everywhere and a smile on my face.

I’m getting all flustered. Wow, food IS my sex--except I don’t feel guilty about it afterward…well, unless I’ve made a whole cake that I have to then eat myself. Ok, it’s the same.

Man, I bet it would be awesome to make it a threesome: A guest, food, and me. Double the pleasure and double the fun (and half the calories since I won’t be eating it all)! It would be even more of a treat if my guest was a handsome man who likes a women who cooks and doesn’t mind helping—well, helping clean up. I’d rather not have him in the kitchen. My space! Grrr.

Well, I even if that can’t be arranged, I’m hoping my friends will have some time to come see me and maybe snack on some goodies I’ve whipped up. That would be the best dessert of all.

Looney Tunes

Over and over again, I hear about songs that evoke certain feelings or songs that make you remember that one moment in time. But what if I want to create a new playlist? I’m tired of having those old feelings.

I was on my way home from school with the windows down, actually enjoying the humid but moving air, when my iPod shuffled to a song that made me roll my eyes a little. It was a great song but one that will forever be ruined because there’s an extra event attached to it.

I know now that I have to be careful about what musical soundtrack is accompanying my fights, breakups, shacking, and terrible hangovers. Even albums that I listened to when I was truly in love are a little depressing. They’re a reminder of how happy I was and how that artist came to represent that time for me so perfectly. Not all the memories are bad but the bad ones are painful.

For example: Bash and Pop takes me back to the time I was happy rocking out with musicians. Celine Dion makes me miss karaoke with my dear friends. And the soundtrack to Once reminds me of a weird time in my life when I was adjusting to certain changes (I’m going to leave that one vague).

Don’t judge me on my examples although as I’m writing this, I know it’s too late. It’s so funny how much I care about what people think about my musical taste. Sure, I’ll judge you with no restraints when you tell me you “rock out with your cock out” to Creed but other than that, I’m going to try not to care. I remember this one time, I was sitting at the bar and the guy next to me chatted me up about music. Judging by the tattoos on his arm and the way he was dressed, I knew he enjoyed old school rock. So naturally, when he asked me about what bands I listened to, I gathered all the usual members: the Beatles, Sean Lennon, and the Replacements. It’s a good smorgasbord, I think. It’s something classic, something a little indie, and all out RAD! Of course to a certain degree, I wasn’t lying about any of it but to say that the Replacements were on heavy rotation on my iPod is a little suspect.

And of course my selection was met with a, “Replacements, huh? Right on.” All I could do was hope he didn’t ask me what my favorite song was on which album.

I like what I like. I enjoy Mozart and Celtic music. I love cheesy 80’s as much as the next neon legwarmer wearing, “Swap” ready sorority girl. I love my show tunes, RENT included. And I listened to Hanson and Spice Girls--although I think it’s “cool” now to claim them as a like. I’m not going to apologize or make excuses…but know that there is more to my musical selection than this and I like obscure bands and independent labels too. (ha)

Luxuries

Wanting to put all my energy into studying, I decided not to look for a job until I graduate. It seemed the most realistic but also unfortunate. I don’t doubt that I could do both since I did it all through high school and college but being in a new place…I didn’t want the added stress of looking for a job and not having any connections here will make the search that much harder. Plus, we get a long break every term and I wanted to go home to recharge and reboot.

So, I’ve been living off of the money that I’ve saved over the years. I realized that even though I wasn’t “whippin’ out fliff (The Professor Brothers reference, check it)” back home, I sure was living the good life (or as good as one can live off of a server's pay). I didn’t hesitate buying nice wine, good meats, and organic ingredients. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret any of it. It actually drives me to do well in school and get a good job so I can do that all over again! Anyway, now, I window shop at the Fresh Market, avoid the name brand stuff if the generic tastes the same, and buy in bulk. But I do splurge a little…on fruit!

It’s so crazy for me. I never really ate that much fruit. I hated snacking on apples and refused bananas unless they were a part of a pudding or gelato. Now, my mornings revolve around fruit. Since summer’s rolled around, I switched from coffee and tea to smoothies. For the past couple weeks, it’s been a mango, banana, and strawberry smoothie. I throw in some plain yogurt, a touch of honey, and flaxseed too. Who would have thought I’d be this “healthy?” And I like it.

Rereading what I just wrote, if you didn’t know me, you would think that I was such a spoiled asshole. Maybe I was, maybe I am but that’s why this is such a growing experience for me. Yea sure, I’m probably learning a little late but better late than never!? I can’t really say that I’m eating better because I slack off on dinner and miss the dark leafy green parts of the food pyramid while super heavy on the carb group but I’m learning to balance. If anything, being on a budget keeps the cookies, ice cream, and the occasional Hot Pocket off of my grocery list!

The mango section is getting smaller at the store and I haven't decided on the next fruit I want to obsess over. I’ve been eyeing the cantaloupes but haven’t committed yet. I still have till next grocery day to decide on my new gem.

It’s the Joy of Cooking

I love to cook, if you haven’t figured that out, but I’ve never really had to cook back home because my mother is the Chef de cuisine. She manages to put out a healthy and complete meal without going back and forth to the store. She can multitask like she has the arms of Shiva! I am still amazed by that. Since cooking only for myself and trying to save as much money as I can, I feel like I’m getting better about using what I have instead of constantly longing for that ONE herb that I was missing. I’ve learned to make substitutions and actually make sauces without a bay leaf. Amazed, I’m sure.

I am what you would, well what I would, call a cut-and-paste cook. The “Yahoo Answers” cook, if you will. I will look up a recipe for hours: Comparing cooking methods, ingredients, and measurements... I’ve spent a whole afternoon on allrecipes.com just reading up on the negative reviews on a Tuna Melt recipe. As meticulous as it sounds, I guess it’s my way to ensure that I’m not going to waste the time and ingredients on something that isn’t going to be delicious.

Until my big move, I didn’t really utilize my Joy of Cooking cookbook. This Bible has been around since the Thirties! I should trust it, right? No. It’s not you it’s me. I don’t generally trust the measurements unless it’s for baking. For example, I always tweak the sugar. There seems to be waaaaaay too much sugar in pretty much everything. Also, Joy of Cooking doesn’t have (enough) pictures, which scares me. And finally, it doesn’t have colorful photographs of busty Italians or Catchphrase-crazy Celebrity Chefs encouraging me to cook.

That was then, this is now: I’ve used a couple of Joy’s recipes. Not enough to say that I’ve made a dent in it but enough to convince me that its authors know what they’re talking about. But what really sold me, the recipe that made me sad to have ever doubted it, was the Crispy Chocolate Chip Cookie. Honestly, I did tweak the sugar but followed the rest of it and WOW! The best cookies I’ve ever made. They are crispy and delicious and freeze VERY well, keeping me from eating the entire batch in one sitting. I’ve been cutting 6 cookies at a time and stretching that over a week. I’ve been pretty good.

Freezing has been my new thing but I’ll save that for another post.

Didn’t Sign Up for This

Some people just don’t grow up. Maybe they didn’t get to get the “silly” out of their system when they were in school but you’re old enough to have a home and raise a child. It’s time to buckle down!

For them, school will always be a moan and groan, “Have to” and not “Want to.” Yea, there were still the students who were always tardy, disrupted class, and talked back to the teacher in college but I thought it would be a little different at a technical school. We all chose to be here for whatever reason.

Like most technical schools, all you need is a high school diploma/GED to apply but this isn’t just a weekend course. It’s actually school and you have to put in the work and not to mention, the money. I was surprised by the amount of complaining I hear day to day. I’m not saying I won’t let a complaint about studying slip but I’m still going to show up for class and do what’s expected of me. I don’t know, maybe I’m just a nerd…NO! I’m paying big bucks to be here! I am going to do well, graduate with a 4.0, and start my career! That’s why most of us are here, right?

It’s so infuriating when the instructor is taking attendance and everyone is still yapping away! It is sooo middle school except half of the class is in their late 30s, have children, or at least old enough to know better. Faking a dry heave when we look at real human muscles? You can’t keep that to yourself? Asking the instructor something we learned the first week of class and is the foundation in which we are expanding on? Huh? The teacher makes a rhetorical statement. Make a smart-ass comment? Again I scream…Really?

Something happened today that is one of my big pet peeves: Asking a question during lecture when it’s quite clear that he’s going to go over it in later slides. I get that you are curious and want answers but if the topic is driving, don’t you think he’ll explain what the ignition is? Just effin’ wait!

I roll my eyes so much that I’ve literally given myself a migraine. I wonder if those kinds of people are in med school? God, I hope not. Our anatomy instructor always tells us to, “Go for the maximum! You don’t want to have the C average doctor, you want the one that went for the A!” Unfortunately, more than a couple of my classmates are going for the minimum…the bare minimum.

Sigh, I am so glad that I found a group of people that I can relate to. I’ve met some really great people here and I really don’t know what I would have done without them. I need other people to share my pain.

Just Do It

I think it’s time to talk about where my life has taken me since my year, well actually two-year, absence. I can’t count 2010 because I wrote a total of what, 11 posts?

I had wanted to loosen the grip my hometown had on me since…I was a senior in high school. It was probably a mix between laziness, fear, and the security I had that made me stay. At that time, I had so much to lose if I left. But as time passed and those secure bonds broke and fell apart, I still kept having one too many conversations about wanting to leave… It was time.

Sure I would be leaving my dear friends and family behind and that was definitely the hardest part but I was more than ready to say goodbye to my lack of growth. I didn’t want to bitch anymore! My biggest excuse was that I didn’t want to fail and come back home. I wanted so much to be a success story and so afraid to fail that I gave up trying all together.

The hard part was actually deciding where I wanted to go and what I wanted to do. Ideally, I wanted to rent a cheap but charming studio apartment in Brooklyn and live the big city life in a place that I loved and stimulated me in many ways. Realistically, living there, the city would have eaten me alive. I needed to get my feet wet before I cannonballed into that excitement. I still dream of one day heading that way but for now…

I didn’t really have any other place in mind where I HAD to be besides New York. I wanted to be near a big city but not big enough or aggressive enough that I would have to constantly have my hand poised on my pink pepper spray. I also had to decide why I would go. Well, I did actually think about going to culinary school. I love food and preparing it but I didn’t necessarily want to make it into a career. I didn’t want to wake up at 6 in the morning after a crazy 10 plus hour shift and hate raising a spatula to make myself eggs. A couple weekend cooking classes with a professional chef would be enough for me. So, my other thing was massage.

I don’t think I ever mentioned my goal to fit into every single Asian stereotype but this was another one. Here’s an excerpt from my scholarship essay: Massage has always been a part of my life. When I was on the high school swim team, I became the designated massager to warm up muscles before an event or sooth sore arms on the bus ride home. Same thing when I worked in restaurants. It’s tough being on your feet and holding plates, shift after shift. I had read a couple things about massage therapy but even with my limited knowledge, I knew that what I was doing was helping my friends, family, and coworkers to relax. I feel like I have a talent for this… etc etc etc

So, long story short, I decided on a school, picked on one of their many locations, used my Thanksgiving break to look at apartments, and BOOM! I made it happen.

Bon Appetit

Episode 1: Grapefruit-Balsamic Chicken Teriyaki

It's been, wow, almost 6 months since I relocated from my protective little bubble (I'll explain in a separate post). I won't say that I'm totally comfortable but this little 1 bedroom apartment is feeling a little more homey everyday.

This term, I have designated Wednesdays to be Grocery Day, as well as, Big Dinner Day. I have more time to cook and relax than I do on other weekdays so it's a perfect day to make a multi course menu. It also happens to be my No Pilates day so that also works out well.

So, I've had this bottle of yummy grapefruit balsamic in my pantry since I moved in. It's lovely but frankly, I don't know how to use it. Sure, I drizzle it on greens and occasionally on plain yogurt with strawberries but I can only do that so many times. Well, it so happened that I had a hankering for some Teriyaki Chicken and I figured, "This balsamic is pretty sweet so I can probably substitute the sugar and it'll give it the tartness that I love." And man, was I right!

Now, I'm not confident enough to morph this into a food blog yet. Hell, I just figured out a way to send my dad pictures of my dinner without it having an awful red glare. And I don't want my dishes looking like the sad discolored photographs at the Chinese takeout places (the ones without the backlight). Yeah, McDonald's photographers didn't work that gig!

I've bookmarked many of my favorite food sites and let me tell you, it's intimidating. Some bloggers call themselves, "Small kitchen cooks" but they've got some heavy duty equipment and counter space. All I have is a countertop big enough to put my dish rack in the back and my standard size cutting board up front! My poor mise en place is forced into the corners of my cutting board or stacked in containers that are balanced on the sink divider. Sheesh. Where's my blogger who writes about kneading bread on an IKEA side table where most of the space is taken up by the microwave and blender? I know you're out there!

Back to the food: My menu consisted of Grapefruit-Balsamic Chicken Teriyaki with Creamy Mashed Potatoes, Tomato salad, and Rice. It was perfect! That sauce was awesome! I used two chicken thighs so I'll be having an encore for lunch tomorrow. Can't wait.

Tomorrow, I've planned a Shrimp Pasta. Hope it's as satisfying as tonight's meal!

What am I Doing?

I mean that in two different ways: "What am I doing?" as in, "How did I manage to neglect this poor blog for over a YEAR?" and "What am I doing?" -like, "Oh, you really wanna know..."

I've tried to start back so many times but kept deleting my drafts because, well...I thought I had lost a little of my "funny." I would write and delete, write and delete. Nothing was sounding witty or agreeable. It was more sad and self loathing. And who wants to read that? I sure don't and I'm one of the only ones reading this.

And that's when I had my epiphany: I shouldn't care about what other people are going to think about my blog. It's just an open diary that's lost in space anyway. I need this to document my day to day activities so I can look at it years later and think, "Wow...that's one hell of a typo."

So, lets get started! Instead of starting off doing a series of recaps on what's happened in the past YEAR-plus (that'll come later), I've decided to start by listing the things I'm trying to incorporate in my life to improve myself (also so I won't forget):

1. Cooking: One of the most important things to me besides eating. Watching Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations isn't helping my need to travel or my want of a bigger kitchen. Right now, I'm just cooking for myself. At first it wasn't much fun since I wasn't cooking to entertain anybody but now, I love it. All I have to do is satisfy my own tongue...but that's actually not as easy as I thought.

2. Pilates: My small apartment won't allow me to Zumba without rearranging my entire living room setup. I finally found the perfect workout video on Netflix (God bless it) that doesn't require room to breakdance. I'm trying to do this every other day to "strengthen my core." Nah, I'm doing it because I can't just sit on my couch all day after class.

3. Arm workout: I bought some Pilates bands. I really like them but I haven't really used them to do a whole workout. Now, I'm just using the bands to help me stretch when my muscles are feeling a little hypertonic and most importantly, I'm doing a couple 1 min triceps workouts throughout the day to strengthen my arms. *They need it!

4. Writing letters: And I mean actual letters with stamps and hand written addresses. I sent some Mothers Day cards that made me miss getting and sending real letters. I used to have a pen pal and I guess I had forgotten the feeling of getting something in the mail that was personalized and littered with stickers and hearts. I'm going to try to mail something once a month, at least. I hope my bestie doesn't mind.

5. Go to the beach: I finally live close to water and I really haven't taken advantage of it. Why? Because I'm scared about the locals judging my body. Who cares? It's not like this particular beach is Cabo or Cancun! I need to get out there, every other weekend at least! I need the color anyway!

6. Drink 8 Cups of Water: With class, I have to keep myself hydrated. I got this new app that keeps track of my water intake and I'm loving it. I can't honestly say that I feel any different but I hope overtime I'll be able to tell!

7. Doing something before I can find a way to talk myself out of it: I just discovered this. I was going back and forth about whether to workout one day and decided to get my body up while my brain was still deciding what it wanted to do. Surprisingly, I did my video and felt better! Imagine that!

Well, that's all I have for now. I'm sure I'll think of more things later on and I hope to get myself typing before my brain stops me! Lets hope this start doesn't end after 3 posts! Wish me luck!