Whiskey Dick

Not the unfortunate "after bar" situation, but the Connoisseur.

I'm fascinated by people who are very knowledgeable about their field of work or about their hobbies. I think it's that passion, that sparkle in their eye that draws me in. Having someone explain the mechanics of the brain would transfix me for hours...

Unfortunately, this had nothing to do with brain science. It was about whiskey and I had no choice but to listen. Why is it that when you want any excuse to leave a conversation, there is nothing going on?

This "hot shot," sat down and gave those of us behind the bar a quick Whiskey 101. First off, he groaned about our choices then settled for, I think it was, Glenfiddich. Thank God we had a single malt scotch whiskey or else he would have taken his business elsewhere! He proceeded to explain to us the differences between single malt and blended whiskies. "It's like comparing a Honda and a BMW. They're both great cars but I'd much rather drive the BMW. I drive a BMW." Oooow, stop right there mister, you're getting my panties all in a twist.

He then volunteered us for an experiment. He warmed his glass, put his hand over the top, and told us to close our eyes and imagine dark fruits. After our visualization, we smelled the whiskey. "Doesn't it smell like cherries?" FYI, that's leading sir. This would make a horrible experiment. But no, I didn't smell it. He was not amused by my amateur olfaction. So, when he asked again.. OMG just like cherries and a hint of chocolate!! Get out of town.

If Kristen Stewart gets a VMA for her "performance" in Twilight, I want an Oscar for all my acting at work. Hell, we all deserve one.

If you still think this guy is not that bad, let me add yet another charming feature. After the whiskey experiment, after the I am a successful guy talk, and still after the I've got money detail, this guy had one more thing to add:

"This town is not a place for my little girl (going to be a high school freshman). It has too much of that college town vibe." To that, I added that I went to the local high school and managed to stay out of trouble. Apparently, I wasn't very convincing because he finished with, "Anyway, I wouldn't want her coming into a place like this." *Ugh*

In the end, I guess we looked like delinquents that would take daddy's BMW out for a spin after consuming rows of single malt scotch whiskey. If I had a dad like that, I know I would.

Tongue Tied

Tongue tied: being speechless about the PDA graphically displayed a foot away from me.

Alright, alright. I'm guilty too. I'm a casual PDAer, just as much as the next bar hopper. But, I usually aim for the, "It's last call, wanna leave and go to my place?" hour rather than the, "Hey, we can still catch the matinee for Angels & Demons after this." Really..Really? It's still light out! Not only that, YOU'RE EATING RAW FISH.

I'm sorry, kissing through dessert..I get it. Chocolate ganache and strawberries are sexy but FISH? I like salmon too but not if that flavor is still lingering in your mouth. Sorry about the visual. There's more:

They're sitting smack dab in the middle of the bar, right where I have to grab cups for my customers who are not licking each other's faces. There was no escape. I had to pretend I didn't hearing them "swap sashimi" by being really serious about counting the $7 I had in my book. They had to know that I knew what they were doing. I mean, THEY'RE RIGHT THERE. It's so uncomfortable.

I have been in worse situations though. When I was a busser, I actually saw a girl, drunk out of her mind, bending toward her date's fly. *Sigh* Can you just stop for one min to think about what you're doing so I can pour water in your glass or lap?

Mouth-wrestlers beware: we may be all sheepish and hesitant while serving you but you better believe, once you're out of hearing range.. we're sharp-tongued.

Congratulatio....

I feel like I'm congratulating everyone around me. I'm also having to defending myself to those I'm congratulating...there's something really wrong with that.

Still living in the same town that many have left is not easy. You've basically volunteered yourself to being the welcome wagon when they return for/from their school, break, honeymoon, yadda yadda yadda. And yes, you are kinda obligated to ask:

"Hurray for you! How's your (insert here the happy occasion/accomplishment that you heard or found out about via facebook)?" They will reply and provide me with details about what they're doing. I'm generally pretty interested up to the point when they stop to ask me, "So, you're still here?"

...Umm. Yea, I AM standing in front of you in my work uniform, in the restaurant I've been working at since high school. Yea, I'm still here.

Of course I'd never say that. I smile, laugh, and give my condensed schpeel about the future I'm planning and becoming progressively stressed out about because people keep asking (thanks a lot). I'll pepper in some jokes to fill the awkward silences. Most just accept my explanation and move on but for those who try to help me out or give me advice, I have found the best conversation stopper, "Can I get you something to drink?" I am at work after all.

I know it's not their fault for the choices I made but bringing attention to them is not..helping. It's not like I'm not aware that I'm stuck. There's no light bulb that you're lighting above my head with your pep talk about "just going out there and doin' it." Telling me it'll all work out because I'm bright doesn't help either. On the contrary, it makes me want to stick my head into the fryer.

Just support me by buying me a drink, giving me a high five, or leaving me a good tip. Just as long as the good tip isn't life-coaching related.

Feeling a little micro

Yea, that's how small I feel.

It is the weekend before the (college) students start back. I'm always measuring the pros and cons this time of year. Pros: Business at the restaurant will pick up, we'll make more money than we did during the summer, and College Town, MS will be ALIVE. Cons: No parking, Bad drivers, and the people that make College Town, MS a Top 5 party school.

Like today, I had a big group of sorority girls that O-M-G, haven't seen each other in, like, months!

I get it, you can't believe you missed each other when your beach condos are so close and I get that you have lots to catch up on but can you PLEASE look at me when you order your drinks? I hate when I feel like I'm intruding when you're here to eat (or pick at a 1/3 of your meal).

I always feel so small when I get no eye contact. Hellooooo? I'm right hereeeee! I just want to take your orderrrrr. I promise to go away when I know what you want. *Sheesh*

At least I'll have crazy customer/situation stories to blog about...why is that not comforting?

The Maxi Dress

The Maxi Dress. It's not just the name that irks me, but the length.

I haven't bought one myself but I see them on beautiful and tall college women. They wear them so well. So flowy.. I can't even imagine how it'd look on me. I'd be drowning in fabric.

This was the topic of the day for me and my coworker/friend as we waited our turn on the computer. We're both short, you see. With shortness, comes some impossibilities...

I can't even wear gauchos: On average, American size women, it comes down a little past the knee. For me, they're practically "flooding" pants. I do wear them but there are consequences. I work in a restaurant that has a little stage for a few tables. The stage is lifted just enough that I have to do an aerobic step up to get there. This is a dangerous situation.

Long gauchos + Big step + Anti-slip shoes = Uh oh. I've found myself on the brink of pants-ing MYSELF one too many times. I am my own bully. Thank God the stretchy material keeps me from actually completing the act!

There will probably never be a Maxi dress in my future but I'm ok with that. I'll enjoy being "fun" size and wearing heels.

Food, Glorious Food

I think I could be an awesome chef if I had Ina Garten's kitchen or Giada's boobs. I already have a partial Paula accent so that's covered.

I recently purchased my very own Le Creuset dutch oven. It's not the hot and hip cherry red or the bad ass (For a visual, I'm doing some rap gesture) flame color. Instead, it is cinder block/post-war grey. It's not that, that color goes well with my kitchen decor or that I think the wonderfully colorful dishes that I plan to cook will pop more with that shade...

It was on sale.

Seriously, those things cost a pretty penny and I am no Thomas Keller. A dutch oven that's on sale because it has a color flaw is just fine with me.

I am no foodie or a gourmet chef and I will never claim to be (I will occasionally frown upon the fast food joints but secretly thank God for their neon glory after my shift is over). But, I do love good food.

The thing I love most is cooking for friends and family. This whole Le Creuset purchase only happened because I invited my close friends over this weekend to cook beef bourguignon. Yes, THE beef bourguignon that's all over the movie, Julie and Julia. I was very inspired by that movie. It would be a lie if I said it didn't also turn me on to starting this blog.

Not to say that all movies influence me. I didn't go out and buy a bottle of Pinot Noir after watching Sideways...bad example. Man, that was a lie AND it makes me look like an asshole. Shit

Even though I will never have a kitchen in the Hamptons or get breast enlargements (I'm referring to what I wrote up top, incase you were joining me from the end first), with my new cookware, I'm one step closer to not calling a sandwich a Sammy and actually cooking more at home.

Ta-Dah!

Hi, it's me, the naysayer.

Well, not all negative and self-loathing. More like a naysayer with a pinch of optimism (and sass), don't worry.

I'm starting this blog in hopes to clear out the hard drive in my head. Being in the service industry, I come across many (too many) people and situations that I'm just dying to talk about and hopefully forget. Yes, I'm enduring these debacles so we can laugh about them later.

Also, while documenting my work atmosphere I also want to be more productive. You see, my life has been plateau-ing for a while and I feel a blog would be a good way to monitor how things are...going.

I'm already assuming that I'm articulate and charismatic enough to get readers. See, I'm not just a naysayer.

SO, if you want to read about another waiter that rants, another post-college student trying to survive, and adventures (real and imagined) that my lovely partner in crime and I go on, please join me!