Imagine

I love a romantic happenstance. I think I almost came slightly close to one the other day...

Sighing for the fifth time, I was preparing myself to enter Walmart. I armed myself with a list so I wouldn't stray and lose myself in front of the $5 movie bin. I made good time and got everything I needed in under 30 min. Sure, I bought a few extra things but it wasn't too bad.

As I was waiting in line, I looked up to see a hottie making his way toward the exit. We locked eyes. I looked away fearing the retinal interaction was getting too intense. I looked back hoping to get one more eye full of him. To my surprise, we locked eyes AGAIN! I was all grinny inside after he stepped out of my line of vision until I realized that I was holding a box of tampons in my arms, facing out, for all the world to see. Damn it. Now, even if he thought I was cute (regardless of my work outfit and pulled back hair), my image will forever be infused with a box of Tampax.

As I'm cursing underneath my breath, I text my encounter to my BFFF. Her response is what makes her my one and only. She replied, "Hahahahaha!!! Now he knows you can breed. His subconscious will LOVE that."

Lets talk about how that happenstance should have gone:

By the time I'd made my rounds through the store, letting the seductive fluorescent lights illuminate my way, I'd picked up more off list items than those that were on. I'm barely managing this juggling act but still refuse to get a basket because I only needed one more thing. But what do we have here? The last bottle of bay leaves is jammed in the back of the top shelf. So, I balance my stuff in one arm while on my tiptoes, fingers flailing, to reach it. Along comes a tall and cute guy who grabs it and hands it to me, coincidentally knocking some of my things onto the floor (tampons are absent in this version).

"I'm not much help after all," he'd say while helping me gather my things. "No, I really appreciate it," I say without looking up. While holding the bottle of bay leaves, he asks, "So, what can you make with this anyway?" "Oh, I'm going to put it in some stew. It helps with the flavor." "Wow, never would have known that. They only seem live leaves to me. I don't cook." He grins while holding up his box of instant macaroni and cheese and frozen pizza.

We laugh and I thank him again while trying to situate my things. "Um, are you done shopping because I'm headed out too. I can just carry these for you." So, he does. He shares a few short kitchen nightmares till we're all checked out and bagged. "Well, it was nice to meet you." I'd say and we'd part. As I fumble for my keys, I hear him say, "Good luck with your stew!" What a cutie.

A couple days later, I was at work counting out my money for the night when I hear, "So, how'd that stew turn out?" I looked up, a little confused. Oh, it's the helpful Cutie. He'd ask me when I got off work and...

Now THAT'S the kind of happenstance I'm looking for! Is it too much to ask?!

Bewildered

In the last decade or so, Asian cuisine has really become the norm in magazines, TV, and on the table. It's flavorful, you get our Omega-3s, it's exotic, bla bla bla. Chinese and Japanese food of course but Korean and Vietnamese cooking have exploded in popularity. Thai food is even being considered the new romantic "it" cuisine. It's everywhere!

This is why when I get the occasional customer who has NO idea what anything on the menu is, I'm just as flabbergasted as they are. I'm not trying to be a jerk. I'm not saying people have to know everything there is to know about foreign cuisine but this isn't Moroccan or Finnish food (only examples I can think of. See, I don't know what's totally obscure these days).

A couple nights ago, I had a three top of girls. The first two ordered without even looking at the menu. The last one hesitated because she wanted to ask me some questions before she made a decision. The questions though, I was not expecting:

"What is Fried Rice? Is it deep fried because I don't want all that. Oh and the Egg Drop soup, how are the eggs? Are they hard boiled?"

How has this girl gotten through roughly twenty years of her life without ever coming in contact with fried rice or egg drop soup? Fried rice is literally everywhere! It appears in many episodes of Law & Order in the form of takeout and there were a couple episodes dedicated to Chinese food in Sex and the City.

Her assumptions are so..literal! I wonder what she thinks about General Tso's Chicken...chicken belonging to a General Tso? Come on!

That Warm and Fuzzy Feeling

I've been noticing a lot more guys in the card aisle as well as excessive hand holding. My eyes are about to fall out of my head from rolling them so much at couples eskimo-kissing while I order my sandwich for one. February 14th, the day we celebrate the Patron Saint of designer chocolates and Vermont Teddy Bears.

No, I don't think Valentine's Day is silly. Hell, I'll take any holiday where I get gifts for no reason. I just hate it now because I don't have anyone to bat my short eyelashes at. Maybe, when I'm asked what I did for Valentine's, I'll come up with this elaborate lie about how I was wined and dined by some fabulous guy that I met...at the Vet or something. But, knowing my luck, they probably would have seen me in the drive thru line at Wendy's buying 3 Frostys. They'll play along of course, out of pity.

Actually, Valentine's Day is necessary. It's a good holiday to celebrate togetherness without the family around (if you know what i mean, wink, wink). It's also a great way to sucker your significant other into letting you go to Mardi Gras without them.

People need a couple slutty holidays in order to pretend to be religions come Ash Wednesday. You'd never know how many "devout" Catholics there were till they come marching in with their foreheads marked.

Yea, keep telling people that you're giving up cigarettes and Rumple for Lent. Jesus would be proud.