Book Worm

I think it’s time for some good news, don’t you? Unfortunately, the only good news is that I’m starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Now, do I go toward or away from the light?

All joking aside, I’m another week closer to being done. I can almost hear Pomp and Circumstance. Hmm… I wonder if they even play that song at tech school graduations or if it’s all “alternative” where they’ll play something by OneRepublic or Maroon 5? Either way, our graduation is going to be held in an amazing building that is known for its beautiful bathrooms. I shit you not, it made the news (I was told). They told us we were getting an open bar but come to find out, it’s a CASH bar. Big difference. Now what am I supposed to look forward to?

So, I tell myself every day that all I have to do is get through this big exam and I’m home free. It’s funny because I never studied for any other “standardized test” like the ACT or SAT. The only light that my fat study guide saw was when I used the book as a coffee table. I know more about the body than I ever thought possible but most of all, I think I can confidently explain it to another person. I don’t want to start commenting about my time in school because I still have two weeks to go but man, what a quick year…or nine months to be exact. Speaking of nine months, a lot of people around me are getting pregnant. I guess my career is my baby and I’m about to show it to the world/facebook.

Back to about how I’m a great student: I feel like I’ve been dominating chapter after chapter in my review packet but one section is really cramping my style: Non-Western Techniques. This includes Traditional Chinese Medicine and meridian theories. I’ve said this before but I am not a “find your inner goddess” kinda gal. I’m not saying that there is no validity to energy work…I just tend to lean toward scientific data. And this stuff is way complicated. Since we don’t learn any of this material in class, I’m basically left to memorize it. I’ve been trying to think of anagrams and visual aids to help me remember all the details but it’s not going well. I’m days away from drawing acupressure points on myself. Looking like a bullseye is in my near future.

I WANT IT NOW

If I have learned anything from the past week, it’s that my “wanting to be nice” way of approaching issues gets me nowhere! I thought the best way for me to get what I want was to say my Please and Thank Yous and not be too pushy. Apparently, this way gets you put on hold, no replies to e-mails, and promises without follow up. I can’t have this!

Every time I go into a restaurant as a customer, I try to be as sweet as can be to my server. I know how hard it can be so I try to be the easy-to-please table of the shift. I give every excuse under the sun if things are less than perfect with the service. What I fail to accept is that some people are just shitty, no matter how nice you are. I’m starting to realize that but not just with the service and hospitality industry.

I ran into this problem with my landlord. I have been dealing with this leak in my kitchen for a while now. They’ve come to “fix” it a time before but the problem has not been resolved. It actually seems to be getting worse. It’s been raining on a regular basis so maybe I’m just now noticing how bad it is. The last couple times, I’ve sent a super sweet e-mail requesting someone to come check out the problem when it’s “the most convenient.” Two weeks later, still nothing. Last weekend, we had some crazy rain that poured into the kitchen. It was just awful. As I was rummaging through my closet for towels to put down, the frustration was just building up inside me. After I managed to scotch tape (I didn’t have any duct tape) some towels to the cracks in the wall, I decided to write my angry letter to the property owner. You better believe there was no trace of an apologetic tone in this one. Next day, I came home to a “Sorry We Missed You,” note on my door from the maintenance guy. Nothing was fixed but at least someone had come by to see my tape work! I called and left a message for the maintenance guy because I want to know what he’s planning on doing and I’m getting an answer!

The other issue was with scheduling my licensing exam. The students are encouraged to take the test before we graduate. Well, we are now two weeks from graduation and I have yet to schedule my test. I’m ready but with no registration code, I can’t schedule the test. Some of my classmates have gotten their info but where was mine? I panicked. Was it a paperwork issue? Was my application possibly lost? Did they send it to the wrong e-mail? There are many things that could have gone wrong. So, obviously, I asked those in charge to contact me because I needed some reassurance. Oh, I got that reassurance wrapped up in a passive aggressive bow. I couldn’t believe it. The “nice” part of me thought that in my mental state, I could be just misinterpreting the tone but the “angry” part of me was wondering why I wasn’t getting the compassion that we’re taught to be mindful of. Since the turn over at the school is so high, they must have forgotten how to be “student-centered.” They forget that even though they have been doing this for thirty plus years, this is our very first time going through this process.

I really hope I don’t leave this school with a bad taste in my mouth. But, I know that as soon as I get everything worked out, I’ll feel better and I’ll be able to laugh about it. Until then, I’m going to be like Veruca Salt and keep demanding what I want, NOW!

Eat Your Words

We just started an interesting chapter in class. It’s often controversial and soapboxes pop up left and right because of it. The topic: Nutrition.

The health food magazines that line the checkout aisle make me feel guilty that I don’t think enough about what I’m putting in my mouth. Although I am no health nut, I’m not a junk food…junky either. All I know is that I need to eat, I like doing it, and I try my best to cook something that I will enjoy.

What I do NOT like is getting lectured about how my irresponsible diet is going to result in my body being consumed by generic cancers (I can’t afford the brand name) caused by my breakfast cereal that’s polluted with high fructose and how all the red meat that I’ve eaten from the past seven years is still sitting in my intestines. I do my best to frequent farmers markets but not everything is cheaper there! Give me the money to go completely organic and I’ll do it. Till then, I am going to have to get some processed meats and canned goods. My body’s been digesting it for years; I think it can handle it.

For my classmates who preach about healthy living and turn their noses up because I like a good burger (organic or not): If you are so worried about my health, why don’t you take a good hot shower and trade in your chamomile/lavender soap bar for some Dial! The odor is triggering my migraines and I don’t appreciate it. AND, try putting a 100% cotton mask over your nose and mouth so you’re not coughing on me! Hot Yoga will NOT rid my body of your cold.

I just get so worked up when people start going on and on about this. It’s great that you’re passionate about couscous and wild grains but I happen to like my short grain rice. I don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with that but I get looks like I’ve stuffed your kitten with SPAM and deep-fried it in lard! …Too much?

“Our bodies weren’t made to handle over cooked meats and processed foods.” Well, I think over the years, the human body has evolved enough to handle an occasional bologna. If anything is unnatural, it’s got to be all those liquid diets, detox, and colonics. There’s nothing “natural” about a garden hose in your bum!

Maybe some years later, every magazine will give me scientific evidence that I was wrong and it’ll make me regret ever getting change together for a 99-cent burger but until then, I will be thankful that I have food on the table and be extra proud that I have a nice balance of veggies, meat, and grains.

And if I have to eat my words, you better believe I’m wrapping it in bacon.

Wall

I had the toughest day at school today. It’s the first time that it is totally unrelated to studying. My poor friends probably roll their eyes every time I give them a play-by-play on what chapter I’m currently on. Sorry friends.

Today, we had clinic where we focused on clients with special needs: cancer survivors, chronic pain sufferers, geriatric, and wheelchair bound. My client was all the above. I knew from the get-go that this was going to be quite an experience. She had an uncommon name so I asked her how to pronounce it. I know from experience how annoying it can be for someone to mispronounce your name. Her response, “Whatever.” The wall was up between us and it was pretty damn high. She wanted nothing to do with me or the massage she was about to get.

I did everything by the book: I asked her leading questions about her health, what her last massage was like, what her preference was when it comes to pressure. Her responses did not exceed three words: “I don’t know,” “I don’t remember,” “I don’t care.” Figuring that this intake was going nowhere fast, I helped her into the clinic room.

I adjusted the table so it would be easier for her to transfer from her chair and asked what the best way to move her would be. We haven’t covered the ins and outs of moving a special needs person. To my inquiry, my client replied, “Whatever you usually do.”

Fast-forward, I helped her undress and get her on the massage table. It took three of us to do so.

The massage started pretty smoothly. I made some adjustments but overall, it went pretty well…until it was time to flip. The easiest thing to do would be to not move her at all but her last therapist had suggested back work and since she’s in the wheelchair for the majority of her day, she could really benefit from it. This step, took four of us. Once we got her on her side, we decided it would be best to stay there. The whole time, she told us how she couldn’t believe it was taking this long to move her. Encouraging words…

Again, once the massage started, everything was calm. After her hour was up, we managed to get her dressed, back in her chair, and back to her husband who was waiting in the lobby. I thanked her for coming and for being so patient and sent her on her way.

Once I got back to the clinic room, I was filled with emotions. I was sad, I was angry, I was frustrated, and most of all exhausted. I wanted to do so much for this woman but she just wouldn’t let me in. I’m no stranger to these types of people. I’ve had many restaurant customers whom I could never please. The problem is when they don’t tell me what I’m doing wrong, or what I can do better. Just tell me that you hate my face and I can move on. I can’t let things like this go. It lingers with me for days and then reappears when I’m having a particularly terrible day.

So naturally, I cried.

My instructor and classmates supported me. They shared my pain and frustration. Then, a classmate told me that even though I couldn’t see because I was pushing the wheelchair, my client left with a slight smile on her face. That’s all I wanted. I just wanted to help her relax and I hate that I couldn’t see that for myself.

There will be more difficult clients in my future and I know that not all of them will express their gratitude. But, I will not give up. I am determined to chip at these walls, no matter how many tears I shed.

Run Tomato Run

I cannot believe that it’s already been seven weeks since school started back. Every day seems so terribly long but the weeks are going by so fast…is this a global warming thing? I didn’t think so.

I haven’t been this stressed since my senior year in college when I was counting my credits to making sure I was going to graduate. All I’ve been doing this term is burying myself in notes, papers, and computer files. I feel like a hoarder...I think there's a cat in there somewhere. I can’t remember the last time I studied this hard.

My studying has entered that special phase: When I people watch during my runs, I start naming the muscles that I see. It sounds braggy but it’s more annoying, trust me. Also, my study materials are showing up in my dreams. I have no way to escape them. In my last dream, I was explaining to a dancer how I could help her neck pain. You know, I would rather have Alexander Skarsgard be the one examining MY neck...

Oh and yes, thanks for noticing. I have started running! Unfortunately, I have abandoned Pilates but the running thing is going surprisingly well. I could not have done it without this fantastic app called, “Couch to 5K (Free Advertising).” It takes the thinking out of running. It tells me when to run and when to walk, it tells me when I need to head back, and it encourages me to keep going.

In the beginning, this was the hardest thing EVER! I was never a runner. I have always been a swimmer. So, this was a challenge for me. But now, I feel like I’m starting to understand that “zone” you get into when you find your stride. It only lasts seconds but better than nothing.

With my new routine, I’m slowly getting to know my neighborhood a little better and now finally appreciating the location I’m in.

The only thing…I may have mentioned this before but I am not an attractive athlete. Meaning, I look like a wet tomato when I workout. This is probably another reason why I’ve always been a swimmer: I was able to hid behind a swim cap and goggles. It’s not a pretty sight y’all. BUT, that’s not going to stop me from running. Who knows, if I keep this up, maybe a 5K is in my future. Till then, I will try to increase my speed and Ketchup.

What Would You Give Up for Love?

This question came to me in the form of an e-mail prompting me to submit an essay to win a trip to some movie premiere that I can’t even remember the name of. I was particularly bored so I decided to put aside that night’s episode of The Simpsons to think about it.

Since I have no fortune or valuables to give up, I can only give up simple things, but things that are still crucial to my day to day survival: My netflix membership (my entertainment, my educational tool, my white noise, and my companion on those sad microwave dinner nights), my obsession with watching Food network/Travel network shows on hulu.com (because food is my porn), and my nightly routine of putting Menthol on my hands before going to sleep (no explanation needed there). And if I were guaranteed to find this “true love,” I would give up making “That’s what she said,” jokes for a negotiable timeframe. But, in my quest to find love, I will not give up my friends, family, my Sex and the City DVDs (excluding the sequel because that, in my mind, does not exist), or my sense of humor (which is why the lewd jokes portion needs negotiating). Although finding true love is something I would give an arm and a leg for, some things are just too precious to give up. Then again, if my true love were tall, British or Australian, funny, and charming…I guess I can give up the DVDs.

I have a ridiculous list of qualities I look for in a date and I tell myself that I won’t negotiate. I should just walk around with a picture of Hugh Jackman and Timothy Olyphant and ask potential suitors (like there are any) if they can measure up to those fine men. Charlotte York said it best, “None of that matters with the right guy. Harry was bald and he talked with his mouth full…but I loved him anyway.” I couldn’t agree more.