Eat Your Words

We just started an interesting chapter in class. It’s often controversial and soapboxes pop up left and right because of it. The topic: Nutrition.

The health food magazines that line the checkout aisle make me feel guilty that I don’t think enough about what I’m putting in my mouth. Although I am no health nut, I’m not a junk food…junky either. All I know is that I need to eat, I like doing it, and I try my best to cook something that I will enjoy.

What I do NOT like is getting lectured about how my irresponsible diet is going to result in my body being consumed by generic cancers (I can’t afford the brand name) caused by my breakfast cereal that’s polluted with high fructose and how all the red meat that I’ve eaten from the past seven years is still sitting in my intestines. I do my best to frequent farmers markets but not everything is cheaper there! Give me the money to go completely organic and I’ll do it. Till then, I am going to have to get some processed meats and canned goods. My body’s been digesting it for years; I think it can handle it.

For my classmates who preach about healthy living and turn their noses up because I like a good burger (organic or not): If you are so worried about my health, why don’t you take a good hot shower and trade in your chamomile/lavender soap bar for some Dial! The odor is triggering my migraines and I don’t appreciate it. AND, try putting a 100% cotton mask over your nose and mouth so you’re not coughing on me! Hot Yoga will NOT rid my body of your cold.

I just get so worked up when people start going on and on about this. It’s great that you’re passionate about couscous and wild grains but I happen to like my short grain rice. I don’t feel like there’s anything wrong with that but I get looks like I’ve stuffed your kitten with SPAM and deep-fried it in lard! …Too much?

“Our bodies weren’t made to handle over cooked meats and processed foods.” Well, I think over the years, the human body has evolved enough to handle an occasional bologna. If anything is unnatural, it’s got to be all those liquid diets, detox, and colonics. There’s nothing “natural” about a garden hose in your bum!

Maybe some years later, every magazine will give me scientific evidence that I was wrong and it’ll make me regret ever getting change together for a 99-cent burger but until then, I will be thankful that I have food on the table and be extra proud that I have a nice balance of veggies, meat, and grains.

And if I have to eat my words, you better believe I’m wrapping it in bacon.