This question came to me in the form of an e-mail prompting me to submit an essay to win a trip to some movie premiere that I can’t even remember the name of. I was particularly bored so I decided to put aside that night’s episode of The Simpsons to think about it.
Since I have no fortune or valuables to give up, I can only give up simple things, but things that are still crucial to my day to day survival: My netflix membership (my entertainment, my educational tool, my white noise, and my companion on those sad microwave dinner nights), my obsession with watching Food network/Travel network shows on hulu.com (because food is my porn), and my nightly routine of putting Menthol on my hands before going to sleep (no explanation needed there). And if I were guaranteed to find this “true love,” I would give up making “That’s what she said,” jokes for a negotiable timeframe. But, in my quest to find love, I will not give up my friends, family, my Sex and the City DVDs (excluding the sequel because that, in my mind, does not exist), or my sense of humor (which is why the lewd jokes portion needs negotiating). Although finding true love is something I would give an arm and a leg for, some things are just too precious to give up. Then again, if my true love were tall, British or Australian, funny, and charming…I guess I can give up the DVDs.
I have a ridiculous list of qualities I look for in a date and I tell myself that I won’t negotiate. I should just walk around with a picture of Hugh Jackman and Timothy Olyphant and ask potential suitors (like there are any) if they can measure up to those fine men. Charlotte York said it best, “None of that matters with the right guy. Harry was bald and he talked with his mouth full…but I loved him anyway.” I couldn’t agree more.
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